This is the story of how this morning I decided I needed a fish.

So this morning I was peeing, as I often do, and as I gazed downward I saw something mysterious.

Why, it was Bromwell Bear, upside down in a candy container! But it dawned on me it would be much more pleasant if the jar contained, not an upside down Bromwell Bear, but a fish!

I drove to the store lickity-split!

A pet store is kinda like a really small free zoo, where you can BUY the animals?

Inside were birds and snakes and fish! I gazed at all of them in a very friendly way.

Okay, okay, you guys, I’m serious. The cutness of this turtle cannot be over…yelled. It is only an inch and a half long. I proclaimed in the store, to no one in particular, “This is the cutest turtle I have ever seen!” and the woman behind the counter agreed. However, they were not for sale.

I got a Betta fighting fish! Since they normally live in puddles they don’t need any ridiculous fancy air filtration systems. I had been wondering how I was going to transport, but apparently fish fit in cup holders?

I got a fish! WHoooo!!!

I decided to name the fish “Dog”. This is Dog in his new home… my counter. HOWEVER! I knew such a small container could not long appease a fish as adventerous and danger-loving as Dog! It was time to finish the bowl!

I cleaned out the bowl repeatedly, and painted some bamboo on it with a bamboo brush (the only REAL way to paint bamboo, apparently). It was hard, because even when the brush was almost totally dry, since it’s water based, the water spread all over the glass. Whatever. It worked.

I then prepared the water! I filled it with room-temperature water, and added 7 or so drops of the anti-clorinator liquid they sold me to make the water safe for the fish. When I was little they used to say just leave the water sitting around for a day to prepare it, but no no no! Not now! Because apparently pet stores cannot make any money off of “letting water sit around”?
I put Dog’s water container in the bowl, so that the water temperates could equalize (and reduce the shock to his system!), along with slowly letting more and more bowl water into the little container.

Then it was time to wait! I set up the Commodore64 and tried to play a little Jumpman™, but I think you need a joystick for that.

Finally it was time! I inserted Dog into his new home and let him sit. Now, 14 hours later, he’s still happy as a bee in a… honey factory? Or would that be as horrified as a bee in a honey factory? I dont’ know. I cannot read fish body language all that well (excluding, of course, “Wheezing on the shore” and “Eating”).
Best wishes to you, Oh Dog!